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In the last post, I discussed once again the perils of interpersonal relationships. But what of strictly personal relations of the purely cerebral variety? 

It's not just other people you shouldn't trust. You should never trust yourself.

I don't mean to imply that you are or will be dishonest or degrading, degenerate or doltish, only that you'll never really know. Some well-meaning
upbeats would say: "If you'll never really know, why worry about it?" If you never worry about it, I say to them, you are doomed to be an upbeat and therefore barred from the more exclusive parties and welcome only at mountain-biking expeditions.

It's not just other people who hide things from you; it's also you who hide things from you. The problem is, even if you figure out what you're hiding from yourself, you might never know why.

Take this entirely fictional scenario, for example: you hate your job. You find it unbearable. You hate everyone there. You hate yourself because of it and understand why everyone else there might hate you. But why?

Maybe you've always been a little bit lazy. You never liked your summer jobs. In fact, you've never liked work of any kind. You've always preferred watching hour-long crime dramas and "journaling." 

Also, maybe you're inclined to exaggerate. Maybe your job isn't all that awful. Maybe you just dramatize situations to get attention or to prove that just because you have a totally sucky job doesn't mean you're incapable of telling a decent story. So maybe it's not totally sucky at all, in which case you have nothing to compensate for except for your own lack of self-discipline...

Maybe this job actually presents you with an exciting and honourable challenge and you're terrified of failing. In which case this job represents the pinnacle of all you could achieve and you'll never get anything better or more satisfying. So you have to work out whether you're in fact afraid of succeeding at the Best Thing That's Ever Happened to You.

Or, finally, there's the possibility that your job sucks. That everyone there sucks. And that everyone there really does hate you. You're not rationalizing anything away. In fact, worrying that you're actually happy there and can't accept it is actually a means of keeping you there even though you hate it. Because you're afraid you'll hate you next job even more? Absolutely. And you're probably right. Or are you?



 
Send the Catastrophizer your requests for advice and/or rationalizations using the form conveniently provided HERE. I will publish my responses on the THE CATASTROPHIZER page.

POLITE DISCLAIMER: This site is intended for entertainment purposes only. If you are not entertained, fair enough.


 
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Beware, gentle catastrophyte. Actually, that sentence could and should stand on its own, but I would like to use it now to lead into another topic: thinking about death can swallow up so many good catastrophizing hours that you can forget to contemplate more immediate living disasters. 

Consider interpersonal relationships once again. I make a point of regularly identifying, enumerating, and then brooding upon all of the flaws within myself. And therein lies the problem. It is possible I have irritating, off-putting, frankly repulsive characteristics of which I am unaware.

Those personal defects of which I remain ignorant are very likely obvious to those around me, indeed have beyond any doubt been discussed by those around me when I am not present. Perhaps at first my faults were seen as mere quirks; day by day, however, they became more conspicuous, more intrusive. 


Most friends, wary of conflict, will not address the issue immediately, will perhaps never confront it. In that case, you will never be told how and to what degree you are irritating or offensive. Secretly, your friends will pull back from you, your relationships forever blighted by the tendencies you are blind to in yourself.
 
Cultivating paranoia regarding the drawbacks other people perceive in their friendships with you leads to a dizzying array of catastrophizing opportunities. Each time you sit down with a friend, remain feverishly aware of your words, your actions, your gestures. Any one of them, even the one you find the most innocuous, could be the thing about you that bothers them the most. And for all you know, that thing has been bothering them more and more, has become to them totally unbearable. Any next moment could be the moment they decide to caution you about your behaviour or sever their connection to you. 

And no matter how much you have brooded, how much you have agonized, about yourself and your behaviour in the world, you could not possibly have anticipated the straw in you that broke the camel of your friendship.

Send the Catastrophizer your requests for advice and/or rationalizations using the form conveniently provided 
HERE
. I will publish my responses on the THE CATASTROPHIZER page.


POLITE DISCLAIMER: This site is intended for entertainment purposes only. If you are not entertained, fair enough.