I Miss Dick Cheney - THE CATASTROPHIZER
 
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It's true. I miss the man. He was one of the greatest worry warts of all time. A "worry wart" in the Catastrophizer's lexicon is not one who worries, but one who reliably and repeatedly creates worry for others. He or she is a wart about which others must worry. You can trust him or her to consistently produce cataclysms about which catastrophizers can fruitfully obsess. Without much help at all, life will produce disasters, but a good worry wart can capitalize on the basic miserableness of life by making everything that much more malignant. "Worrisome" or "worrying" wart would probably have been more appropriate, but they would have been less catchy, and I'm always trying to appeal to the kids.

Dick Cheney was a larger-than-life-sized wart. He multiplied the catastrophizing opportunities available at any given time through his outlandish evilness. Conspiracy theories could not be easily dismissed while he was around, as any number of sinister plots seemed plausible. An army of bat-winged minions operating a secret prison camp in Dennis Kucinich's pants; an underground fortress in which kidnapped children repeatedly reenact the Civil War; zombie underlings who can be fed only by the tears of babies or of Dennis Kucinich. Who says those things didn't happen? Who believes Dick Cheney would not have been capable of such things? What wasn't possible when he was around? Catastrophizing was easy then.

Maybe it's good he's dropped out of sight. (by which I mean retired to Fox T.V. to make incendiary comments about the current administration - or is that Karl Rove?). It was too easy to catastrophize when he was in the White House. I'm not suggesting the world is any less corrupt or that politics are any less appalling now; I'm just saying there is no one figure (in the White House) who embodies all that is Darth Vader-before-the-helmet-came-off evil. Unless you look a little closer at that Malia...
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