Maxim-ize Your Catastrophes! - THE CATASTROPHIZER
 
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Maxim is more than just the place to find the bosoms belonging to the latest starlet. It is also the authority companionless, easily-humiliated middle-aged men turn to when they need advice about the fact that they are companionless and easily humiliated. 
Thirty years ago, I was going to ask a girl to the prom, or considered it. I asked a friend's opinion when he cut me up over the phone replying,"She won't go out with you," thus making me look small. I never ended up going to my junior or senior prom because of that. I've always felt no girl wanted anything to do with me because of that and the fact I never finished college or landed a high-paying job. I've been hurt by that for 30 years what should I do?


1) Most people, however much they might try, never learn to catastrophize as inventively and destructively as you have. You don't need (much) help; you need (many) accolades. And you will have them!

2) Soon. The accolades, I mean. First, I will offer one friendly and helpful suggestion. Catastrophizing of the causal variety involves extrapolating calamitous results from a seemingly insignificant cause. The comment from your friend is just such a cause. You err, however, when you indicate that you feel women want nothing to do with you because of that comment and the fact that you have made nothing of your life. You should be entertaining the possibility that you have led a totally and irredeemably failed life only because of that comment. The important point, I realize, is that no woman will ever find you attractive, but I nevertheless feel that the chain of reasoning should be sound.

3) One other thing concerns me: you shouldn't need a casual comment from a friend to feel small. You should be able to feel small at the slightest provocation, or at no provocation at all. You should be able to conclude that you're small on the basis of a comment your friend makes on a topic that seems to have nothing to do with you whatsoever. 

4) Don't feel discouraged by my constructive criticism. You are well ahead of where most people are already. You feel small when probably you shouldn't; you allow this probably unfounded feeling to prevent you from asserting yourself with women for three decades. You are well on your way already. Just spend more time considering your lonely future and friendless dotage and in no time at all, you'll really be catastrophizing!

Send the Catastrophizer your requests for advice and/or rationalizations using the form conveniently provided HERE. I will publish my responses on the THE CATASTROPHIZER page.

POLITE DISCLAIMER: This site is intended for entertainment purposes only. If you are not entertained, fair enough.
10/14/2013 14:10:52

The great accomplishments of man have resulted from the transmission of ideas of enthusiasm.

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10/25/2013 01:26:57

Interesting thoughts.

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