Out-of-Sight and Out-of-Control - THE CATASTROPHIZER
 
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Cosmo's "guy guru" has already tackled this question, which means it's a bit presumptuous for me to take it on. But Cosmo is in the business of inadvertently making ladies feel like catastrophes, while I am in the business of doing so in a fully advertent fashion, so it's just possible I'll be able to add something. And I know that's not a real word, by the way. Not like "ept". That's a real word, for sure.

My boyfriend and I live on opposite coasts. His roommate is moving out, and it looks like the room will be rented to a girl. I found a picture online, and she’s really pretty, plus my boyfriend says she has “a great personality.” I’m nervous about her — should I tell him I’d rather he not live with her?


1) You must absolutely tell him that he cannot live with her. Throw in some unreasonable accusations and complaints about your body and you'll have the kind of relationship-straining conversation of which catastrophizers dream. 

2) I'm glad you've already started to do internet research to support your as-yet baseless suspicions. If you are really going to work to destroy your relationship, you will have to use every tool at your disposal. Why not start flying across the country and turning up unannounced? That will keep him on his toes. Either you'll end up catching him canoodling with his new hottie roommate or he'll end up catching you doing something unspeakably paranoid. Whichever of these two things actually happens, your relationship will be harmed, probably irreparably. 


3) If your boyfriend really loved you, would he live a country's length away from you? Maybe it's not the new roommate you should be suspicious of. Or maybe it's not only the new roommate you should be suspicious of. He's alone, far from your influence. What could he be getting up to right now? How about now? I bet where he lives there are lots of women. Any one of them could be pretty and have a great personality. Spread your net of compulsive concern wide and learn to agonize over the kind of relationship he might have with every woman he mentions. But wait - if he thought he was falling for someone, wouldn't he remain silent about her? Maybe it's the women he doesn't mention that you should be worried about...


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